I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
two words: eviction party
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
