Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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