I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
