ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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