I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
