the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
