3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
