I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
