I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
