i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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