im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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