Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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