so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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