Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
