Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The best revenge is premature balding
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Still dying that you shit outside
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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