I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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