I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
