You kept calling me your small dog last night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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