Princesses don't give blow jobs
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
