I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
