If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
