This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
