So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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