can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
