my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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