She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
