census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
