im holly from the hills drunk
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
