Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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