i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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