Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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