i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
