Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
