we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
