Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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