Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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