if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
