Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
