I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
