She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
