my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
