I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
