Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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