3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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