we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
