sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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