I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
