please come you make the beer taste better
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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