I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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