Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
