I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
